Poems - Swami B.A. Paramadvaiti: Uptight

But why am I uptight?
Unfriendly with my kids and kind
I have a face to frighten all
Speaking words to harm or minimize
Careless about others feelings
Karma grows around me
What I was searching for
Is exactly what I am not giving
A living contradiction,
Dirty fellow the cause of my own sufferings.

Come to your senses
But the common sense seems to be
The least common of the senses.
Selfrightiously I feel
That I am perfectly situated,
Chastizing others, pointing out errors,
Threatening and scaring,
Missusing my power, position
Or other temporary so called superiorty
Just like a thief who discovers
That the attacked scared by his weapon
Yield easyly to his outragious demands.

Shame on me, abuser of the chance
To love and to give.
Exploitation or indifference, they cannot be divine.
Unfriendlyness is the sign of an unrealized person.

What does it cost me to smile
And be grateful that others tolerate my existence.
We are here to learn. We are here to purify ourselves.
That is only possible by the grace of others.
Do I only want to distribute bad Karma
By my obnoxious behaviour?
Would I not like to be the light
Or the helping hand in the life of others?

Uptight and rough, angry and sick
I ruin my life and chance to grow
I ruin my family and friends
I am the cause for fear where I work
And all inauspiciousness is vibrating around me.

I must watch this tounge, not say what hurts
Learn how to make myself beloved
Make every effort to heal the wounds
Which previous errors left behind.
Uptight I'll be with lust and pride
Unkindness and with greed
False ego which is dangerous
Name and fame exceeds.
Just dry those tears, asure your love
And start a different life
Be modest, kind and satisfied
By whatever comes from honest strife.

I beg to be excused by all
Who suffered due to me
I beg my friends to adobt this mood
So that they may be free.